Each time I woke up, I thought to myself, “Oh, okay. Now, I am awake.” I considered myself a conscious (hu)man. Perhaps.

Perhaps my certainty around being ‘awake’ in this moment will, too, become the next floor I stand upon as I emerge through the next ceiling. Perhaps.

labyrinth becomes life

It feels as if I was lost in the world’s largest labyrinth (language learned from ST). This labyrinth for which I speak is one that is designed and maintained by my subconscious. Such a cunning person he is.

With a little help from my friends, I am seeing more – as if the lights were turned on – about the ways I have placed the greatest obstacles in my path which have prevented me from realizing my full potential. The obstacles I refer to are artificial, man-made AKA Daniel-made, and designed to keep me the same. The same = avoiding things I did in the past, pretending a person, place, or thing does not exist, leaving people before they leave me, and more. Each item from that list was becoming another brick in the many walls of the labyrinth I built to keep myself contained.

I am me, and you are you.

I know what it feels like for someone to act as if I do not exist. I do not wish that upon anyone. Now, I get to go back and try my best to resolve past issues with the people who have loved me into being.

Comfort of chaos.

One of the pearls the serpent shared with me when we spoke yesterday was, “You seek chaos because your first environment raised you in chaos. Your nervous system thinks chaos is love, life, death, and everything in between.” (AM)

I may have learned to be with chaos at a young age, but then I took ownership of the teaching by teaching myself to perpetuate the chaos. It would make sense that I lived in fear. I kept putting myself back in the labyrinth in a new starting place each time. Perhaps it was where I felt safe. Rather, perhaps the labyrinth — the chaos of life — is what I perceived “safety” to be. Meanwhile, as I perceived the veil of safety, I seemed to also have been living in fear of people, places, and things.

Taking off the glasses.

I had a call with V two days ago and they shared a story with me about their eye. It was red and the doctor said they may need to remove the eye. They got a second opinion and it turns out the eye simply needed some tender loving care. V also mentioned something about my resilience. At the same time, they made a gesture with their index finger in a downward spiral.

Before going all the way to the floor, V reversed the direction of the spiral and brought their index finger back up towards the sky. It was as if their finger represented the serpent which was wrapping itself around my spine. I didn’t have this understanding until last night – as I was processing the data from the day. It seems that V laid the ground work for my call the next day – yesterday – with the serpent.

“Your schema is like a tinted pair of eyeglasses that makes you see the world in a certain way.” —MG, 2021

“You’re wearing the glasses again. Look at me. Do you see how I can take the glasses off, and place them down on the desk? See? You can do the same thing. Just take the glasses off.” —JB, 2020

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